saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
