Will you blow on my dice?
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
