and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
