I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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