Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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