Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
