I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Its about making memories worth repressing
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
