just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
