If you die in college, do you die in real life?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Couch. On fire.
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