OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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