man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
