it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
