the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
