My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
