Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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