I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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