Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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