He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
