the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
