Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
