I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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