I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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