when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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