this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
