I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
