I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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