oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
