im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
