My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
