I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
