maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
