i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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