Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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