JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
