I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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