I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
