I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
