Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
