I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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