I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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