he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
How external is "for external use only"?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
