I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
