I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
