I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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