there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
