My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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