the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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