I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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