Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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