Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
